


Dilemma (english version)

by RealityRudy



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Even and Mikael, M/M, SKAM - Freeform, isak and even - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-09-27 08:21:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9985067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RealityRudy/pseuds/RealityRudy
Summary: Isak and Even have been boyfriends for a while. The difficult times are behind them, and they are happy. Even has no contact with his old friends at Elvebakken, and he didn't tell Isak much about his life before he attended Nissen. One day, Mikael, Evens best friend from Bakka shows up out of the blue. He recently came out as gay, and he wants something from Even.





	1. Chapter 1

When Even comes out of the classroom after the last period, he spots Mikael waiting for him in the hallway. He looks nervously around him, to check if Isak or the other boys are around, before walking towards him. 

«What are you doing here?» Even hisses annoyed at Mikael. It's only a couple of days since he talked to Mikael on the phone, and declared their friendship as over. He thought he had closed that door forever.

He doesn't wait for an answer, grabs his jacket, and drags Mikael into the nearest empty classroom and closes the door behind them. Mikael makes no resistance, just looks down and doesn't say anything. Even don't understand. Why isn't Mikael saying anything? Even decides that attack is the best defence. 

«WHAT? What do you want? I thought I had made it crystal clear to you that I'm not interested!» Even is angry. 

Mikael is still silent. He is just standing there, looking down, the dark, scruffy hair looks like it could use a comb. He looks tired. Even feels a flicker of sympathy and a guilty conscience. He remembers all too well another boy, who looked like he could use a good night’s sleep, just a couple of months ago. 

Mikael finally looks up. He stares right into Even’s eyes. “I don’t believe you,”he says through narrow eyes. “That chemistry we had between us as friends, the closeness, the humour, everything. I have never felt that with anyone. I KNOW that you had feelings for me at Bakka. But I was a coward, I didn’t dare to follow my heart.” Mikael takes a step towards Even. 

Even backs away, before he shouts: “WHAT is it you don’t understand?” His voice is a bit to shrilling. “I’m with Isak! I’m happy, we are good together.” Even wished he felt as confident as he sounded. Even can see that Mikael is pretending not to hear him. What Mikael says is true, they had an amazing friendship, and Even can read Mikael as an open book. Mikael is not going to give up. 

“We had something. Something real! There was something between us.” Mikael’s gaze is intense, and Even feels his annoyance is slowly transformed into someting he thought was gone. 

Mikael takes another step forward. Even instinctively takes one step back. This time it offers no escape, and his back meets the hard concrete wall. Mikael is standing so close he can feel the heat from his body. 

“But, I….” Even objects nervously. But it is of no use. 

Mikael has stopped talking. He pushes Even against the wall, and puts his right leg between Even’s. His eyes doesn’t leave Even when he confidently pushes his legs apart. Against his will, Even feels that every nerve in his body is activated. He wants to run, but Mikael has him pinned down. His face is just a few millimeters away from Mikael’s and Even knows he’s in trouble. He both feels and sees Mikael leaning in, his breath warm against Even’s lips. He holds his breath, unabel to do anyting. They stand like that in what feels like an eternity. Then Mikael backs away. Even hates himself for the second of disappointment he feels, before relief flows over him. 

“There’s something here, and you know it,” says Mikael and swallows. 

When Mikael is gone, Even hurries down to the toilets. Luckily it’s empty. He feels shaky and have a big lump in his stomach. He leans on the sink, bends his neck and stares down the drain, hoping to find a revelation in there. He casts a quick glance into the mirror, but looks away just as quickly. He can’t look himself in the eyes.


	2. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I`m so sorry for any grammar mistakes or bad wording. English is not my first language. I hope its readable, if not, let me know and I`ll try to do better :)

Even is playing with Mikael's dark, soft curls. Then he jolts awake.

He opens his eyes, sweaty, clammy, horny. This is the third night he dreams about Mikael, even though he has not spoken to him since the episode at school a week ago. He looks at his watch. It's 4:40. Restless, unable to fall asleep again, he gets up.

He moves his tall body over to the window. He needs fresh air, that's what he needs. Icy air to solve his mind. To cool down his body. He opens the window and sits on the windowsill. Night frost strikes against him, and he senses that it has been snowing a little. Isak usually sits opposite him. Even smiles at the thought. If he doesn't clean up his act, he stands in danger of losing Isak, who he fought so hard to be with. They have already been through so much. Or, Isak has been through so much. Everything that happened was because of Even. Although he knows that Isak has forgiven him, he is still hurting inside at the thought of Isak running around in Grønland, looking for a nude Even. Sonja's brutal words, which had been repeated to him, feels like a dagger in the heart.

Even is shivering. His nose and feet are freezing, and he decides that he's had enough fresh air. He closes the window, shooting a glance at Isak's empty spot in bed. His mom always says fresh air and exercise helps with everything. Now he wonders if she's right. He smiles again. Heat fills him from head to toe at the thought of Isak in his bed. He return to bed, but settles on Isak's side just to feel close to him. He falls asleep immediately.

Even is dreaming of brown eyes and dark curly hair.


	3. Cheesy

"Why don’t you want to hang with the boys anymore?" Isak looks at him. The question is hanging in the air.

Isak and Even are sitting on a bench outside school, and have just rejected kebab at Bislett, with the guys. Even don’t know how to respond. He feels so bad, his conscience is killing him, and all for something he didn’t even do. He can barely look at himself, and certainly not people who trust him with Isak’s heart. Even sitting here is a lie. He is fumbling with his phone - his head leaning forward.

"I want to hang out with the boys," he says, turning his head towards Isak «But maybe not all the time? You don’t want to get together with my friends all the time either." Even says, his voice flat.

"That's because your friends are old and not at all cool, just like you." Isak laughs – hitting Even playfully in his ribs.  
Even manages to give Isak a halfhearted smile. Done with the discussion, he says «Can we go to your place? Do you have any green stuff?» Even looks hopefully at Isak. It would be wonderful to blur out all brain activity right now. But Isak won’t have it. 

"No. We can go to my place, but no green stuff. You are all the drugs I need» Isak says, finding Evens gaze and giving him a big smile. Even can feel that smile all the way down to his toes.  
"That’s cheesy" Even says, and smiles back at Isak. He wants to cling to Isak. Squeeze his body against his, until every stupid dream about Mikael is gone. It hurts physically when he reminds himself that Isak isn’t the only one on his mind anymore. Isak doesn’t know how serious the situation is. And how could he? He knows nothing about Mikael. Even feels the knot in his stomach tighten. 

Isak jumps down from the bench and pretends to be shocked "Cheesy? Cheesy! Are you talking about me, the grilled cheese master? Nobody is better than me at making grilled cheese sandwiches" Isak declares, and pretends he is Jon Favreau.

Even can't help but laugh "Right, YOU are really cool."

Isak stops "Ah, there. My mission is completed», he says, laying his forehead against Evens. «Maybe none of us are cool, but I love you», Isak says, his voice shivering with emotion.


	4. Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Feel free to call me out on it in comments, and I will edit :)

"Mom" Even raises his voice a bit to get her attention.

His mom looks up from the phone. She has joined a facebook group, and now it’s almost impossible to make contact with her. Even shakes his head.

"Mhmm" she replies absently.

"Do you think it is better to start a relationship as friends, and then develop something more from there, or should you start with passion, and build a friendship later?"

Mom puts away the phone, and looks at him curiously "Even, that’s some question." She examines his face for clues. "Does this have anything to do with Isak?", she says finally.

Even considers what he should tell her, but quickly decides to put it all out there.

"Mikael got in touch with me," he says quietly.

Mom looks at him, waiting for more.

"He says that he has feelings for me." Even is plucking at his phone. He spins it between his fingers. Around and around. The nervous gester speaks for itself. 

"Okay?" Mom says, "is that something he has come to terms with recently? You were very good friends for a long time.»

"He knew he liked me as more than friends when we went to Bakka too, but he was’t ready to come out of the closet. And I was with Sonja, so it was’t easy for any of us." Even is thinking back. It seems so long ago, but actually it has only been a year.

Mom nods «I understand»

Neither of them says anything for a while.

"How do you feel about that?" his mom asks.

"I don’t know. I'm confused. I crushed really hard on Mikael. I thought he was the smartest, coolest kid on earth. And the body…. "

«OK fine! That’s enough!» his mom laughs. They laugh together for a while, until Even continues.

"But then I became manic, and Mikael disappeared. I felt like he failed me, and that hurt me deeply." Even puts his hand over his heart to indicate where the pain is. "We were best friends and he just bailed. I don’t know if he was embarrassed or what happened." Even sighs heavily.

Mom puts her hand on his shoulder "Maybe you should talk to Mikael, and hear what he has to say? How he experienced what happened last year? I think it would be helpful for you, regardless of what Mikael feels."

"You think so?», Even says, his face a bit brighter, «I've been thinking that I should talk to him, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. I'm afraid."

"What are you afraid of?" asks his mom.

"I'm afraid of finding out the answer to the question I asked you" Even looks at his mom, hurt and fear in his eyes.


	5. Nothing real

It’s cold, but Even isn’t freezing. He hasn’t got time to think about the cold. It’s 14.41 saturday afternoon, and Mikael is playing a soccer game.  
Even has found a seat where he can watch the game without beeing seen. His eyes are searching the field. He spots Mikael. Tall and dark. He runs around the field, warming up. It’s hardly noticeable, but Even can see Mikael is limping a bit, and he wonders if it is the old knee injury that has come back. He’ll probably be on the bench for most of the game. Unfortunately.  
After the talk with his mom a few days ago, Even found out that he will never be at peace if he doesn’t straighten things out with Mikael. He doesn’t look forward to it. But for now he will just let himself feel what its like to be i Mikaels world again. While he is watching Mikael secretly, he makes himself think back to that time when Mikael and he was friends, and let his old emotions back in. He especially remembers the summer he got to go to Denmark with Mikaels family.

Mikael and Even had huge expectations back then, and fantasized about wild parties and even wilder chicks all the way down there.

“What happens in Denmark, stays in Denmark”. Mikael had told him.

Even agreed. When they arrived, it turned out they just needed each other. They drank themselves wasted and talked about everything. In the evenings they lay on their backs in the sand at the beach. They talked about bipolars being creative, that many of them are very productive and can achieve great things in their manic periods. That Even can’t think too much about the biggest questions in life, because it will make him paranoid.

“If you could choose to not be sick, but that meant that you will also never have the fantastic periods, would you have done it?” Mikael had asked.

Even had no doubt. “Yes!”

“Then the downs must really suck”, Mikael said and looked compassionatly at Even.

Even looked up at the sky, but withdrew his gaze fast. “Both the ups and downs are shit. There is a short period when I’m on my way up, where life is pretty awesome, but that vanishes quickly when I lose control and everything is caos.”  
He took every opportunity to touch Mikael. A brush with the arm, a clash with the leg. He had even managed to be laying half on top of Mikael when he was reaching for another beer. The heat from Mikael was intoxicating, and he had to use all his willpower to let go. It didn’t appear like Mikael found it uncomfortable, even if Even knew Mikael liked girls.  
Mikael got lost in thoughts for a while. Then he raised up on his elbows and asked laughingly: “If you could have been a vampire, would you be one?”  
Even started laughing. “That must have been some chain of thoughts. Vampires?” He laughed and pushed Mikael so he fell down. “Jeez. What about you? Would you like to be a vampire?”, Even asked, eyebrows lifted, trying to look serious.  
“ Uhmm… no.” Mikael was determined.  
“Why not? You could have sucked blood and hypnotized chicks” Even teased.  
“And miss your pale body in shorts everyday? Have you heard about solariums?” Mikael held his golden tanned arm next to Evens white one, and gave him a telling look.

They laughed and teased each other, and after a while the conversation moved on to other topics.

Even laughs to himself. They had been so young. Immature. Nothing real could have come from something like that.  
Halfway through the match he chooses to leave. There is no bigger cliche than to sit and watch your former crush play soccer. And he dont want to risk standing face to face with Mikael again.


	6. Inadequate

Even is looking at Isak who is lying next to him in bed. The room is dark, but the moon sneaks a cold beam through the curtains and lits up Isaks body for him. Isak is asleep. His body glistens with sweat, and his long muscles is a lecture in young strength. Even knows that he has satisfied Isak in every way possible. So why does he feel so inadequate?

Baah! He stares at the ceiling. Damn this feeling! He hasn't talked to Mikael. What is he waiting for? He should just get it over with.

Suddenly it feels like someone stabs him in the chest, and he envisions Mikaels face close to his own. The warm breath against his lips ....

His spotifylist has played non-stop throughout the evening, but when Kings of Leon comes on, he turns abruptly and grabs his phone. He presses shuffle, and Closer disappears. Robyns smooth voice fills the void, and he is happy. Call your girlfriend is good. It reminds him of Isak, and nobody else. He turns down the sound a little.

Tomorrow he will talk to Mikael. One hundred percent sure. He will say that Isak is the man in his life, and no one can change that. He crawls closer to Isak. He puts his arms around him and presses him to his chest. "I love you," he whispers into the darkness. He takes a small pause before he adds "and we will never betray each other."


End file.
